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第19章 runng fr gvernr(第1页)

arkTwain

AfewmonthsagoIwasnominatedforGovernorofthegreatstateofNewYork,torunagainstMr。JohnT。SmithandMr。BlankJ。Blankonanindeendentticket。IsomehowfeltthatIhadonerominentadvantageoverthesegentlemen,andthatwas-goodcharacter。Itwaseasytoseebythenewsaersthatifevertheyhadknownwhatitwastobearagoodname,thattimehadgoneby。Itwaslainthatintheselatteryearstheyhadbecomefamiliarwithallmannerofshamefulcrimes。ButattheverymomentthatIwasexaltingmyadvantageandjoyinginitinsecret,therewasamuddyundercurrentofdiscomfort

"riling

"thedeesofmyhainess,andthatwas-thehavingtohearmynamebandiedaboutinfamiliarconnectionwiththoseofsucheole。Igrewmoreandmoredisturbed。FinallyIwrotemygrandmotheraboutit。Heranswercamequickandshar。Shesaid:Youhaveneverdoneonesinglethinginallyourlifetobeashamedof-notone。Lookatthenewsaers-lookatthemandcomrehendwhatsortofcharactersMessrs。SmithandBlankare,andthenseeifyouarewillingtoloweryourselftotheirlevelandenteraubliccanvasswiththem。

Itwasmyverythought!Ididnotsleeasinglemomentthatnight。But,afterall,Icouldnotrecede。

Iwasfullycommitted,andmustgoonwiththefight。

AsIwaslookinglistlesslyovertheaersatbreakfastIcameacrossthisaragrah,andImaytrulysayIneverwassoconfoundedbefore。

PERJURY。-Perhas,nowthatMr。MarkTwainisbeforetheeoleasacandidateforGovernor,hewillcondescendtoexlainhowhecametobeconvictedoferjurybythirty-fourwitnessesinWakawak,CochinChina,in1863,theintentofwhicherjurybeingtorobaoornativewidowandherhellessfamilyofameagerlantain-atch,theironlystayandsuortintheirbereavementanddesolation。

Mr。Twainowesittohimself,aswellastothegreateolewhosesuffragesheasks,toclearthismatteru。Willhedoit?

IthoughtIshouldburstwithamazement!Suchacruel,heartlesscharge!IneverhadseenCochinChina!IneverhadheardofWakawak!Ididn&aos;tknowalantain-atchfromakangaroo!Ididnotknowwhattodo。Iwascrazedandhelless。Iletthedaysliawaywithoutdoinganythingatall。Thenextmorningthesameaerhadhis-nothingmore:

SIGNIFICANT。-Mr。Twain,itwillbeobserved,issuggestivelysilentabouttheCochinChinaerjury。

[Mem。-Duringtherestofthecamaignthisaerneverreferredtomeinanyotherwaythanas

"theinfamouserjurerTwain

"。

NextcametheGazette,withthis:

WANTEDTOKNOW-WillthenewcandidateforGovernordeigntoexlaintocertainofhisfellow-citizenswhoaresufferingtovoteforhim!thelittlecircumstanceofhiscabin-matesinMontanalosingsmallvaluablesfromtimetotime,untilatlast,thesethingshavingbeeninvariablyfoundonMr。Twain&aos;sersonorinhis

"trunk

"(newsaerherolledhistrasin),theyfeltcomelledtogivehimafriendlyadmonitionforhisowngood,andsotarredandfeatheredhim,androdehimonarail;andthenadvisedhimtoleaveaermanentvacuuminthelaceheusuallyoccuiedinthecam。Willhedothis?

Couldanythingbemoredeliberatelymaliciousthanthat?ForIneverwasinMontanainmylife。[Afterthis,thisjournalcustomarilysokeofmeas,

"Twain,theMontanaThief。

"]

Igottoickinguaersarehensively-muchasonewouldliftadesiredblanketwhichhehadsomeideamighthavearattlesnakeunderit。

Onedaythismetmyeye:

THELIENAILED。-BytheswornaffidavitsofMichaelO&aos;Flanagan,Esq。,oftheFivePoints,andMr。SnubRaffertyandMr。CattyMulligan,ofWaterStreet,itisestablishedthatMr。MarkTwain&aos;svilestatementthatthelamentedgrandfatherofournoblestandard-bearer,BlankJ。Blank,washangedforhighwayrobbery,isabrutalandgratuitousLIE,withoutashadowoffoundationinfact。Itisdishearteningtovirtuousmentoseesuchshamefulmeansresortedtoachieveoliticalsuccessastheattackingofthedeadintheirgraves,anddefilingtheirhonorednameswithslander。Whenwethinkoftheanguishthismiserablefalsehoodmustcausetheinnocentrelativesandfriendsofthedeceased,wearealmostdriventoinciteanoutragedandinsultedublictosummaryandunlawfulvengeanceuonthetraducer。Butno!letusleavehimtotheagonyofalaceratedconscience(thoughifassionshouldgetthebetteroftheublic,andinitsblindfurytheyshoulddothetraducerbodilyinjury,itisbuttooobviousthatnojurycouldconvictandnocourtunishtheeretratorsofthedeed)。

Theingeniousclosingsentencehadtheeffectofmovingmeoutofbedwithdesatchthatnight,andoutatthebackdooralso,whilethe

"outragedandinsultedublic

"surgedinthefrontway,breakingfurnitureandwindowsintheirrighteousindignationastheycame,andtakingoffsuchroertyastheycouldcarrywhentheywent。AndyetIcanlaymyhanduontheBookandsaythatIneverslanderedMr。Blank&aos;sgrandfather。More:Ihadneverevenheardofhimormentionedhimutothatdayanddate。

[Iwillstate,inassing,thatthejournalabovequotedfromalwaysreferredtomeafterwardas

"Twain,theBody-Snatcher。

"]

Thenextnewsaerarticlethatattractedmyattentionwasthefollowing:

ASWEETCANDIDATE。-Mr。MarkTwain,whowastomakesuchablightingseechatthemass-meetingoftheIndeendentslastnight,didn&aos;tcometotime!Atelegramfromhishysicianstatedthathehadbeenknockeddownbyarunawayteam,andhislegbrokenintwolaces-suffererlyingingreatagony,andsoforth,andsoforth,andalotmoreboshofthesamesort。AndtheIndeendentstriedhardtoswallowthewretchedsubterfuge,andretendthattheydidnotknowwhatwastherealreasonoftheabsenceoftheabandonedcreaturewhomtheydenominatetheirstandard-bearer。AcertainmanwasseentoreelintoMr。Twain&aos;shotellastnightinastateofbeastlyintoxication。ItistheimerativedutyoftheIndeendentstorovethatthisbesottedbrutewasnotMarkTwainhimself。Wehavethematlast!Thisisacasethatadmitsofnoshirking。Thevoiceoftheeoledemandsinthundertones,

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