colored robe my grandmother had embroidered with flowers; and tried it on;
but it didn’t please me。 As I was trying it on under the purple blouse; I felt a
chill; I shuddered; and the candle flame trembled with me。 Over it all; of
course; I was going to wear my fox fur–lined street robe; but at the last minute
I changed my mind; and silently crossing the hall; I removed the very long and
loose azure…colored woolen robe that my mother had given me and put it on。
Just then I heard a noise at the door and fell into a panic: Black was leaving! I
quickly removed my mother’s old robe and put on the fur…lined red one: It
was tight around the bustline; but I liked it。 I then donned the softest and
whitest veil; lowering it over my face。
Black Effendi hadn’t left yet; of course; I’d let my apprehension deceive me。
If I go out now; I can tell my father that I went to buy fish with the children。 I
padded down the stairs like a cat。
I closed the door—click—like a ghost。 I quietly passed through the
courtyard and when I was out on the street; momentarily turned and looked
back at the house。 From behind my veil it seemed as if it wasn’t our house at
all。
There was no one in the street; not even any cats。 Flakes of snow danced in
the air。 With a shudder; I entered the abandoned garden where sunlight never
fell。 It smelled of rotten leaves; dampness and death; yet; when I entered the
house of the Hanged Jew; I felt as though I were in my own home。 They say
that jinns meet here at night; light the stove and make merry。 I was startled to
hear my footsteps in the empty house。 I waited; stock…still。 I heard a sound in
the garden; but then everything was overe by silence。 I heard a dog bark
nearby。 I recognize all the dogs in our neighborhood from their barks; but I
couldn’t place this one。
During the next silence I sensed that there was somebody else in the house
and I stood dead still so he wouldn’t hear my footsteps。 Strangers talked as
they passed on the street。 I thought of Hayriye and the children。 I hoped to
161
God that they wouldn’t catch cold。 In the silence that followed; I was gradually
overe by regret。 Black wasn’t ing。 I’d made a mistake; and I ought to
return home before my pride was damaged even further。 Terrified; I imagined
that Hasan was watching me; and then I heard movement in the garden。 The
door opened。
I abruptly changed my position。 I didn’t know why I did so; but when I
stood to the left of the window through which a faint light from the garden
was filtering; I realized that Black would be able to see me; to borrow a phrase
from my father; “within the mysteries of shadow。” I covered my face with my
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