波波小说

第7部分（第1页）

the　floor；　and　a　repetition　of　all　the　gleam　and　shadowof　the　picture；　with　one　remove　farther　from　the　actual；　and　nearer　tothe　imaginative。　Then；　at　such　an　hour；　and　with　this　scene　beforehim；　if　a　man；　sitting　all　alone；　cannot　dream　strange　things；　andmake　them　look　like　truth；　he　need　never　try　to　write　romances。　　But；　for　myself；　during　the　whole　of　my　Custom…House　experience；moonlight　and　sunshine；　and　the　glow　of　firelight；　were　just　alikein　my　regard；　and　neither　of　them　was　of　one　whit　more　avail　thanthe　twinkle　of　a　tallow…candle。　An　entire　class　of　susceptibilities；and　a　gift　connected　with　them…　of　no　great　richness　or　value；　but　thebest　I　had…　was　gone　from　me。　　It　is　my　belief；　however；　that；　had　I　attempted　a　different　order　ofposition；　my　faculties　would　not　have　been　found　so　pointless　andinefficacious。　I　might；　for　instance；　have　contented　myself　withwriting　out　the　narratives　of　a　veteran　shipmaster；　one　of　theInspectors；　whom　I　should　be　most　ungrateful　not　to　mention；　sincescarcely　a　day　passed　that　he　did　not　stir　me　to　laughter　andadmiration　by　his　marvellous　gifts　as　a　story…teller。　Could　I　havepreserved　the　picturesque　force　of　his　style；　and　the　humorouscolouring　which　nature　taught　him　how　to　throw　over　hisdescriptions；　the　result；　I　honestly　believe；　would　have　beensomething　new　in　literature。　Or　I　might　readily　have　found　a　moreserious　task。　It　was　a　folly；　with　the　materiality　of　this　dailylife　pressing　so　intrusively　upon　me；　to　attempt　to　fling　myselfback　into　another　age；　or　to　insist　on　creating　the　semblance　of　aworld　out　of　airy　matter；　when；　at　every　moment；　the　impalpable　beautyof　my　soap…bubble　was　broken　by　the　rude　contact　of　some　actualcircumstance。　The　wiser　effort　would　have　been；　to　diffuse　thought　andimagination　through　the　opaque　substance　of　to…day；　and　thus　to　makeit　a　bright　transparency；　to　spiritualise　the　burden　that　began　toweigh　so　heavily；　to　seek；　resolutely；　the　true　and　indestructiblevalue　that　lay　hidden　in　the　petty　and　wearisome　incidents；　andordinary　characters；　with　which　I　was　now　conversant。　The　fault　wasmine。　The　page　of　life　that　was　spread　out　before　me　seemed　dull　andmonplace；　only　because　I　had　not　fathomed　its　deeper　import。　Abetter　book　than　I　shall　ever　write　was　there；　leaf　after　leafpresenting　itself　to　me；　just　as　it　was　written　out　by　the　realityof　the　flitting　hour；　and　vanishing　as　fast　as　written；　only　becausemy　brain　wanted　the　insight　and　my　hand　the　cunning　to　transcribeit。　At　some　future　day；　it　may　be；　I　shall　remember　a　few　scatteredfragments　and　broken　paragraphs；　and　write　them　down；　and　find　theletters　turn　to　gold　upon　the　page。　　These　perceptions　have　e　too　late。　At　the　instant；　I　was　onlyconscious　that　what　would　have　been　a　pleasure　once　was　now　a　hopelesstoil。　There　was　no　occasion　to　make　much　moan　about　this　state　ofaffairs。　I　had　ceased　to　be　a　writer　of　tolerably　poor　tales　andessays；　and　had　bee　a　tolerably　good　Surveyor　of　the　Customs。That　was　all。　But；　nevertheless；　it　is　anything　but　agreeable　to　behaunted　by　a　suspicion　that　ones　intellect　is　dwindling　away；　orexhaling；　without　your　consciousness；　like　ether　out　of　a　phial；　sothat；　at　every　glance；　you　find　a　smaller　and　less　volatileresiduum。　Of　the　fact　there　could　be　no　doubt；　and；　examining　myselfand　others；　I　was　led　to　conclusions；　in　reference　to　the　effect　ofpublic　office　on　the　character；　not　very　favourable　to　the　mode　oflife　in　question。　In　some　other　form；　perhaps；　I　may　hereafter　developthese　effects。　Suffice　it　here　to　say；　that　a　Custom…House　officer；　oflong　continuance；　can　hardly　be　a　very　praiseworthy　or　respectablepersonage；　for　many　reasons；　one　of　them；　the　tenure　by　which　he　holdshis　situation；　and　another；　the　very　nature　of　his　business；　which…though；　I　trust；　an　honest　one…　is　of　such　a　sort　that　he　does　notshare　in　the　united　effort　of　mankind。　　An　effect…　which　I　believe　to　be　observable；　more　or　less；　inevery　individual　who　has　occupied　the　position…　is；　that；　while　heleans　on　the　mighty　arm　of　the　Republic；　his　own　proper　strengthdeparts　from　him。　He　loses；　in　an　extent　proportioned　to　theweakness　or　force　of　his　original　nature；　the　capability　ofself…support。　If　he　possess　an　unusual　share　of　native　energy；　orthe　enervating　magic　of　place　do　not　operate　too　long　upon　him；　hisforfeited　powers　may　be　redeemable。　The　ejected　officer…　fortunatein　the　unkindly　shove　that　sends　him　forth　betimes；　to　struggle　amid　astruggling　world…　may　return　to　himself；　and　bee　all　that　he　hasever　been。　But　this　seldom　happens。　He　usually　keeps　his　ground　justlong　enough　for　his　own　ruin；　and　is　then　thrust　out；　with　sinewsall　unstrung；　to　totter　along　the　difficult　footpath　of　life　as　hebest　may。　Conscious　of　his　own　infirmity…　that　his　tempered　steeland　elasticity　are　lost…　he　forever　afterwards　looks　wistfully　abouthim　in　quest　of　support　external　to　himself。　His　pervading　andcontinual　hope…　a　hallucination；　which；　in　the　face　of　alldiscouragement；　and　making　light　of　impossibilities；　haunts　himwhile　he　lives；　and；　I　fancy；　like　the　convulsive　throes　of　thecholera；　torments　him　for　a　brief　space　after　death…　is；　that　finally；and　in　no　long　time；　by　some　happy　coincidence　of　circumstances；　heshall　be　restored　to　office。　This　faith；　more　than　anything　else；steals　the　pith　and　availability　out　of　whatever　enterprise　he　maydream　of　undertaking。　Why　should　he　toil　and　moil；　and　be　at　so　muchtrouble　to　pick　himself　up　out　of　the　mud；　when；　in　a　little　whilehence；　the　strong　arm　of　his　Uncle　will　raise　and　support　him？　Whyshould　he　work　for　his　living　here；　or　go　to　dig　gold　in　California；when　he　is　so　soon　to　be　made　happy；　at　monthly　intervals；　with　alittle　pile　of　glittering　coin　out　of　his　Uncles　pocket？　It　issadly　curious　to　observe　how　slight　a　taste　of　office　suffices　toinfect　a　poor　fellow　with　this　singular　disease。　Uncle　Sams　gold…meaning　no　disrespect　to　the　worthy　old　gentleman…　has；　in　thisrespect；　a　quality　of　enchantment　like　that　of　the　Devils　wages。Whoever　touches　it　should　look　well　to　himself；　or　he　may　find　thebargain　to　go　hard　against　him；　involving；　if　not　his　soul；　yet　manyof　its　better　attributes；　its　sturdy　force；　its　courage　and　constancy；its　truth；　its　self…reliance；　and　all　that　gives　the　emphasis　to　manlycharacter。　　Here　was　a　fine　prospect　in　the　distance！　Not　that　the　Surveyorbrought　the　lesson　home　to　himself；　or　admitted　that　he　could　be　soutterly　undone；　either　by　continuance　in　office；　or　ejectment。　Yetmy　reflections　were　not　the　most　fortable。　I　began　to　growmelancholy　and　restless；　continually　prying　into　my　mind；　todiscover　which　of　its　poor　properties　were　gone；　and　what　degree　ofdetriment　had　already　accrued　to　the　remainder。　I　endeavoured　tocalculate　how　much　longer　I　could　stay　in　the　Custom…House；　and　yet　goforth　a　man。　To　confess　the　truth；　it　was　my　greatest　apprehension…　asit　would　never　be　a　measure　of　policy　to　turn　out　so　quiet　anindividual　as　myself；　and　it　being　hardly　in　the　nature　of　a　publicofficer　to　resign…　it　was　my　chief　trouble；　therefore；　that　I　waslikely　to　grow　grey　and　decrepit　in　the　Surveyorship；　and　beemuch　such　another　animal　as　the　old　Inspector。　Might　it　not；　in　thetedious　lapse　of　official　life　that　lay　before　me；　finally　be　withme　as　it　was　with　this　venerable　friend…　to　make　the　dinner…hour　thenucleus　of　the　day；　and　to　spend　the　rest　of　it；　as　an　old　dogspends　it；　asleep　in　the　sunshine　or　in　the　shade？　A　dreary　lookforward　this；　for　a　man　who　felt　it　to　be　the　best　definition　ofhappiness　to　live　throughout　the　whole　range　of　his　faculties　andsensibilities！　But；　all　this　while；　I　was　giving　myself　veryunnecessary　alarm。　Providence　had　meditated　better　things　for　methan　I　could　possibly　imagine　for　myself。　　A　remarkable　event　of　the　third　year　of　my　Surveyorship…　to　adoptthe　tone　of　〃P。　P。〃…　was　the　election　of　General　Taylor　to　thePresidency。　It　is　essential；　in　order　to　a　plete　estimate　of　theadvantages　of　official　life；　to　view　the　incumbent　at　the　iningof　a　hostile　administration。　His　position　is　then　one　of　the　mostsingularly　irksome；　and；　in　every　contingency；　disagreeable；　that　awretched　mortal　can　possibly　occupy；　with　seldom　an　alternative　ofgood；　on　either　hand；　although　what　presents　itself　to　him　as　theworst　event　may　very　probably　be　the　best。　But　it　is　a　strangeexperience；　to　a　man　of　pride　and　sensibility；　to　know　that　hisinterests　are　within　the　control　of　individuals　who　neither　love　norunderstand　him；　and　by　whom；　since　one　or　the　other　must　needs　happen；he　would　rather　be　injured　than　obliged。　Strange；　too；　for　one　who　haskept　his　calmness　throughout　the　contest；　to　observe　thebloodthirstiness　that　is　developed　in　the　hour　of　triumph；　and　to　beconscious　that　he　is　himself　among　its　objects！　There　are　few　ugliertraits　of　human　nature　than　this　tendency…　which　I　now　witnessed　inmen　no　worse　than　their　neighbours…　to　grow　cruel；　merely　because　theypossessed　the　power　of　inflicting　harm。　If　the　guillotine；　asapplied　to　office…holders；　were　a　literal　fact；　instead　of　one　ofthe　most　apt　of　metaphors；　it　is　my　sincere　belief；　that　the　activemembers　of　the　victorious　party　were　sufficiently　excited　to　havechopped　off　all　our　heads；　and　have　thanked　Heaven　for　theopportunity！　It　appears　to　me…　who　have　been　a　calm　and　curiousobserver；　as　well　in　victory　as　defeat…　that　this　fierce　and　bitterspirit　of　malice　and　revenge　has　never　distinguished　the　many　triumphsof　my　own　party　as　it　now　did　that　of　the　Whigs。　The　Democrats　takethe　offices；　as　a　general　rule；　because　they　need　them；　and　becausethe　practice　of　many　years　has　made　it　the　law　of　political　warfare；which；　unless　a　different　system　be　proclaimed；　it　were　weakness　andcowardice　to　murmur　at。　But　the　long　habit　of　victory　has　made　themgenerous。　They　know　how　to　spare；　when　they　see　occasion；　and　whenthey　strike；　the　axe　may　be　sharp；　indeed；　but　its　edge　is　seldompoisoned　with　ill…will；　nor　is　it　their　custom　ignominously　to　kickthe　head　which　they　have　just　struck　off。　　In　short；　unpleasant　as　was　my　predicament；　at　best；　I　saw　muchreason　to　congratulate　myself　that　I　was　on　the　losing　side；　ratherthan　the　triumphant　one。　if；　heretofore；　I　had　been　none　of　thewarmest　of　partisans；　I　began　now；　at　this　season　of　peril　andadversity；　to　be　pretty　acutely　sensible　with　which　party　mypredilections　lay；　nor　was　it　without　something　like　regret　and　shame；that；　according　to　a　reasonable　calculation　of　chances；　I　saw　my　ownprospect　of　retaining　office　to　be　better　than　those　of　myDemocratic　brethren。　But　who　can　see　an　inch　into　futurity；　beyond　hisnose？　My　head　was　the　first　that　fell！　　The　moment　when　a　mans　head　drops　off　is　seldom　or　never；　I　aminclined　to　think；　precisely　the　most　agreeable　of　his　life。Nevertheless；　like　the　greater　part　of　our　misfortunes；　even　soserious　a　contingency　brings　its　remedy　and　consolation　with　it；　ifthe　sufferer　will　but　make　the　best；　rather　than　the　worst；　of　theaccident　which　has　befallen　him。　In　my　particular　case；　theconsolatory　topics　were　close　at　hand；　and；　indeed；　had　suggestedthemselves　to　my　meditations　a　considerable　time　before　it　。　In　view　of　my　previous　weariness　of　office；　andvague　thoughts　of　resignation；　my　fortune　somewhat　resembled　that　of　aperson　who　should　entertain　an　idea　of　mitting　suicide；　and

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