波波小说

第13部分（第1页）

‘I　reckon。’

‘And　what　you　going　to　say？’

‘I’m　going　to　tell　her　she　ought　to　let　him　know　she　know　about　his　wickedness。　Get　up　infront　of　the　congregation　and　tell　them　too；　if　she　has　to。’

He　stirred　restlessly；　and　frowned。　‘Well；　you　know　more　about　it　than　me。　But　I　don’t　seewhere　that’s　going　to　do　no　good。’

‘It’ll　do　her　some　good。　It’ll　make　him　treat　her　better。　You　don’t　know　my　brother　like　Ido。　There　ain’t　but　one　way　to　get　along　with　him；　you　got　to　scare　him　half　to　death。　That’s　all。　Heain’t　got　no　right　to　go　around　running　his　mouth　about　how　holy　he　is　if　he　done　turned　a　tricklike　that。’

There　was　silence；　he　whistled　again　a　few　bars　of　his　song；　and　then　he　yawned；　and　said：

‘Is　you　ing　to　bed；　old　lady？　Don’t　know　why　you　keep　wasting　all　your　time　and　my　moneyon　all　them　old　skin　whiteners。　You　as　black　now　as　you　was　the　day　you　was　born。’

‘You　wasn’t　there　the　day　I　was　born。　And　I　know　you　don’t　want　a　coal…black　woman。’

But　she　rose　from　the　mirror；　and　moved　toward　the　bed。

‘I　ain’t　never　said　nothing　like　that。　You　just　kindly　turn　out　that　light　and　I’ll　make　you　toknow　that　black’s　a　mighty　pretty　color。’

She　wondered　if　Deborah　had　ever　spoken；　and　she　wondered　if　she　would　give　Gabriel　theletter　that　she　carried　in　her　handbag　to…night。　She　had　held　it　all　these　years；　awaiting　some　savageopportunity。　What　this　opportunity　would　have　been　she　did　not；　at　this　moment　she　did　not　wantto　know。　For　she　had　always　thought　of　this　letter　as　an　instrument　in　her　hands　which　could　beused　to　plete　her　brother’s　destruction。　When　he　was　pletely　cast　down　she　would　preventhim　from　ever　rising　again　by　holding　before　him　the　evidence　of　his　blood…guilt。　But　now　shethought　she　would　not　live　to　see　this　patiently　awaited　day。　She　was　going　to　be　cut　down。

And　the　thought　filled　her　with　terror　and　rage；　the　tears　dried　on　her　face　and　the　heartwithin　her　shook；　divided　between　a　terrible　longing　to　surrender　and　a　desire　to　call　God　intoaccount。　Why　had　he　preferred　her　mother　and　her　brother；　the　old；　black　woman；　and　the　low；black　man；　while　she；　who　had　sought　only　to　walk　upright；　was　e　to　die；　alone　and　in　poverty；in　a　dirty；　furnished　room？　She　beat　her　fists　heavily　against　the　altar。　He；　he　would　live；　andsmiling；　watch　her　go　down　into　the　grave！　And　her　mother　would　be　there；　leaning　over　the　gatesof　Heaven；　to　see　her　daughter　burning　in　the　pit。

As　she　beat　her　fists　on　the　altar；　the　old　woman　above　her　laid　hands　on　her　shoulders；crying：　‘Call　on　Him；　daughter！　Call　on　the　Lord！’　And　it　was　as　though　she　had　been　hurledoutward　into　time；　where　no　boundaries　were；　for　the　voice　was　the　voice　of　her　mother　but　thehands　were　the　hands　of　death。　And　she　cried　aloud；　as　she　had　never　in　all　her　life　cried　before；falling　on　her　face　on　the　altar；　at　the　feet　of　the　old　black　woman。　Her　tears　came　down　likeburning　rain。　And　the　hands　of　death　caressed　her　shoulders；　the　voice　whispered　and　whispered　inher　ear：　‘God’s　got　your　number；　knows　where　you　live；　death’s　got　a　warrant　out　for　you。’

2　GABRIEL’S　PRAYERNow　I　been　introducedTo　the　Father　and　the　Son；　And　I　ain’tNot　stranger　now。

When　Florence　cried；　Gabriel　was　moving　outward　in　fiery　darkness；　talking　to　the　Lord。

Her　cry　came　to　him　from　afar；　as　from　unimaginable　depths；　and　it　was　not　his　sister’s　cry　heheard；　but　the　cry　of　the　sinner　when　he　is　taken　in　his　sin。　This　was　the　cry　he　had　heard　so　manydays　and　nights；　before　so　many　altars；　and　he　cried　to…night；　as　he　had　cried　before：　‘Have　yourway；　Lord！　Have　your　way！’

Then　there　was　only　silence　in　the　church。　Even　Praying　Mother　Washington　had　ceased　tomoan。　Soon　someone　would　cry　again；　and　the　voices　would　begin　again；　there　would　be　music　byand　by；　and　shouting；　and　the　sound　of　the　tambourines。　But　now　in　this　waiting；　burdened　silenceit　seemed　that　all　flesh　waited—paused；　transfixed　by　something　in　the　middle　of　the　air—for　thequickening　power。

This　silence；　continuing　like　a　corridor；　carried　Gabriel　back　to　the　silence　that　hadpreceded　his　birth　in　Christ。　Like　a　birth　indeed；　all　that　had　e　before　this　moment　waswrapped　in　darkness；　lay　at　the　bottom　of　the　sea　of　forgetfulness；　and　was　not　now　countedagainst　him；　but　was　related　only　to　that　blind；　and　doomed；　and　stinking　corruption　he　had　beenbefore　he　was　redeemed。

The　silence　was　the　silence　of　the　early　morning；　and　he　was　returning　from　the　harlot’shouse。　Yet　all　around　him　were　the　sounds　of　the　morning：　of　birds；　invisible；　praising　God；　ofcrickets　in　the　vine；　frogs　in　the　swamp；　of　dogs　miles　away　and　closed　at　hand；　roosters　on　theporch。　The　sun　was　not　yet　half　awake；　only　the　utmost　tops　of　trees　had　begun　to　tremble　at　histurning；　and　the　mist　moved　sullenly　before　Gabriel　and　all　around　him；　falling　back　before　thelight　that　rules　by　day。　Later；　he　said　of　that　morning　that　his　sin　was　on　him；　then　he　knew　onlythat　he　carried　a　burden　and　that　he　longed　to　lay　it　down。　This　burden　was　heavier　than　theheaviest　mountain　and　he　carried　it　in　his　heart。　With　each　step　that　he　took　his　burden　grewheavier；　and　his　breath　became　slow　and　harsh；　and；　of　a　sudden；　cold　sweat　stood　out　on　his　browand　drenched　his　back。

All　alone　in　the　cabin　his　mother　lay　waiting；　not　only　for　his　return　this　morning；　but　forhis　surrender　to　the　Lord。　She　lingered　only　for　this；　and　he　knew　it；　even　though　she　no　longerexhorted　him　as　she　had　in　days　but　shortly　gone　by。　She　had　placed　him　in　the　hands　of　the　Lord；and　she　waited　with　patience　to　see　how　He　would　work　the　matter。

For　she　would　live　to　see　the　promise　of　the　Lord　fulfilled。　She　would　not　go　to　her　restuntil　her　son；　the　last　of　her　children；　he　who　would　place　her　in　the　winding…sheet；　should　haveentered　the　munion　of　the　saints。　Now　she；　who　had　been　impatient　once；　and　violent；　who　hadcursed　and　shouted　and　contended　like　a　man；　moved　into　silence；　contending　only；　and　with　thelast　measure　of　her　strength；　with　God。　And　this；　too；　she　did　like　a　man：　knowing　that　she　hadkept　the　faith；　she　waited　for　Him　to　keep　His　promise。　Gabriel　knew　that　when　he　entered　shewould　not　ask　him　where　he　had　been；　she　would　not　reproach　him；　and　her　eyes；　even　when　sheclosed　her　lids　to　sleep；　would　follows　him　everywhere。

Later；　since　it　was　Sunday；　some　of　the　brothers　and　sisters　would　e　to　her；　to　sing　andpray　around　her　bed。　And　she　would　pray　for　him；　sitting　up　in　bed　unaided；　her　head　lifted；　hervoice　steady；　while　he；　kneeling　in　a　corner　of　the　room；　trembled　and　almost　wished　that　shewould　die；　and　trembled　again　at　this　testimony　to　the　desperate　wickedness　of　his　heart；　andprayed　without　words　to　be　forgiven。　For　he　had　no　words　when　he　knelt　before　the　throne。　And　hefeared　to　make　a　vow　before　Heaven　until　he　had　the　strength　to　keep　it。　And　yet　he　knew　that　untilhe　made　the　vow　he　would　never　find　the　strength。

For　he　desired　in　his　soul；　with　fear　and　trembling；　all　the　glories　that　his　mother　prayed　heshould　find。　Yes；　he　wanted　power—he　wanted　to　know　himself　to　be　the　Lord’s　anointed；　Hiswell…beloved；　and　worthy；　nearly；　of　that　snow…white　dove　which　had　been　sent　down　fromHeaven　to　testify　that　Jesus　was　the　son　of　God。　He　wanted　to　be　the　master；　to　speak　with　thatauthority　which　could　only　e　from　God。　It　was　later　to　bee　his　proud　testimony　that　hehated　his　sins—even　as　he　ran　toward　sin；　even　as　he　sinned。　He　hated　the　evil　that　lived　in　hisbody；　and　he　feared　it；　as　he　feared　and　heated　the

Part　3　The　Threshing…floor

Then　said　I；　Woe　is　me！　for　I　amundone；　because　I　am　a　man　of　uncleanlips；　and　dwell　in　the　midst　of　apeople　of　unclean　lips；　for　mine　eyeshave　seen　the　king；　the　Lord　of　hosts。

Then　I　buckled　up　my　shoes；And　I　startedHe　knew；　without　knowing　how　it　had　happened；　that　he　lay　on　the　floor；　in　the　dusty　space　beforethe　altar　which　he　and　Elisha　had　cleaned；　and　knew　that　above　him　burned　the　yellow　light　whichhe　had　himself　switched　on。　Dust　was　in　his　nostrils；　sharp　and　terrible；　and　the　feet　of　saints；shaking　the　floor　beneath　him；　raised　small　clouds　of　dust　that　filmed　his　mouth。　He　heard　theircries；　so　far；　so　high　above　him–he　could　never　rise　that　far。　He　was　like　a　rock；　a　dead　man’sbody；　a　dying　bird；　fallen　from　an　awful　height；　something　that　had　no　power　of　itself；　any　more；to　turn。

And　something　moved　in　John’s　body　which　was　not　John。　He　was　invaded；　set　at　naught；possessed。　This　power　had　struck　John；　in　the　head　or　in　the　heart；　and；　in　a　moment；　wholly；filling　him　with　an　anguish　that　he　could　never　in　his　life　have　imagined；　that　he　surely　could　notendure；　that　even　now　he　could　not　believe；　had　opened　him　up；　had　cracked　him　open；　as　woodbeneath　the　axe　cracks　down　the　middle；　as　rocks　break　up；　had　ripped　him　and　felled　him　in　amoment；　so　that　John　had　not　felt　the　wound；　but　only　the　agony；　had　not　felt　the　fall；　but　only　thefear；　and　lay　here；　now；　helpless；　screaming；　at　the　very　bottom　of　darkness。

He　wanted　to　rise—a　malicious；　ironic　voice　insisted　that　he　rise—and；　at　once；　to　leave　histemple　and　go　out　into　the　world。

He　wanted　to　obey　the　voice；　which　was　the　only　voice　that　spoke　to　him；　he　tried　to　assurethe　voice　that　he　would　do　his　best　to　rise；　he　would　only　lie　here　a　moment；　after　his　dreadful　fall；and　catch　his　breath。　It　was　at　this　moment；　precisely；　that　he　found　he　could　not　rise；　something　had　happened　to　his　arms；　his　legs；　his　feet—ah；　something　had　happened　to　John！　and　he　began　toscream　again　in　his　great；　bewildered　terror；　and　felt　himself；　indeed；　begin　to　move—not　upward；toward　the　light；　but　down　again；　a　sickness　in　his　bowels；　a　tightening　in　his　loin…strings；　he　felthimself　turning；　again　and　again；　across　the　dusty　floor；　as　though　God’s　toe　had　touched　himlightly。　And　the　dust　made　him　cough　and　retch；　in　his　turning　the　centre　of　the　whole　earthshifted；　making　of　space　a　sheer　void　and　a　mockery　of　order；　and　balance；　and　time。　Nothingremained：　all　was　swallowed　up　in　chaos。　And：　Is　this　it？　John’s　terrified　soul　inquired—What　isit？—to　no　purpose；　receiving　no　answer。　Only　the　ironic　voice　insisted　yet　once　more　that　he　risefrom　the　filthy　floor　if　he　did　not　want　to　bee　like　all　the　other　niggers。

Then　he　anguish　subsided　for　a　moment；　as　water　withdraws　briefly　to　dash　itself　oncemore　against　the　rocks：　he　knew　that　it　subsided　only　to　return。　And　he　coughed　and　sobbed　in　thedusty　space　before　the　altar；　lying　on　his　face。　And　still　he　was　going　down；　farther　and　fartherfrom　the　joy；　the　singing；　and　the　light　above　him。

He　tried；　but　in　such　despair！—the　utter　darkness　does　not　present　any　point　of　departure；contains　no　beginning；　and　no　end—to　rediscover；　and；　as　it　were；　to　trap　and　hold　tightly　in　thepalm　of　his　hand；　the　moment　preceding　his　fall；　his　change。　But　that　moment　was　also　locked　indarkness；　was　wordless；　and　should　not　e　forth。　He　remembered　only　the　cross：　he　had　turnedagain　to　kneel　at　the　altar；　and　had　faced　the　golden　cross。　And　the　Holy　Ghost　was　speaking—seeming　to　say；　as　John　spelled　out　the　so　abruptly　present　and　gigantic　legend　adorning　the　cross：

Jesus　Saves。　He　had

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